**Bush a carrot (by Charles Siefe)**
How George W Bush is a carrot mathematically.

Let a and b each be equal to 1. Since a and b are equal.

b=ab

Since a equals itself, it is obvious that

a2=a2

Subtract equation 1 from equation 2. This shows

a2-b2=a2-ab

We can factor both sides of the equation; a2 - ab equals a(a-b). Likewise, a2- b2 equals (a+b)(a-b). Nothing strange going on here. This statement is perfectly true. Substituting into equation 3, we get

(a+b)(a-b)=a(a-b)

Now divide both sides of the equation by (a-b) and we get

a+b=a

Subtract a from both sides and we get

b=0

But we set b to 1 at the beginning of this proof, so this means

1=0

This is an important result. We know that Bush has one head. But one equals zero by equation 7, so that means that Bush has no head. Likewise, Bush has zero leafy tops, therefore he has one leafy top. Multiplying equation 7 and 2 we see that.

2=0

Bush has two legs, therefore he has no legs. Bush has two arms, therefore he has no arms. Now multiply equation 7 by Bush’s waist size in inches. Which means

(Bush’s waist size)=0

This means that Bush’s tapers to a point. What colour is Bush? Take any beam of light that comes from him and select a photon. Multiply equation 7 by the wavelength and we see that

(Bush’s photon wavelength)=0

But multiplying equation 7 by 640 nanometers, we see that

640=0

Combining equation 10 and 11 we see that

(Bush’s photon wavelength)=640 nanometres

This means that his photon – or any other photon that comes from Bush is orange. That means his a bright shade of orange.

Summing up, we have proved, mathematically, that Bush has no arms not legs and instead of a head, he has a leafy top; he tapers to a point; and he is bright orange. Clearly Bush is a carrot.

There is a simpler way to prove this. Adding 1 to both sides of equation 7 gives the equation

2=1

Bush and a carrot are two different things, therefore they are one thing. But that’s not nearly as satisfying. What is wrong with this proof? There is only one step this is flawed, and that is the one where we go from equation 4 to equation 5. We divide by a – b. But look out. Since a and b are both equal to 1, a- b =1 –1 = 0. We have divided by zero, and we get the ridiculous statement that 1=0, From there we can prove any statement in the universe, whether it is true or false. The whole framework of mathematics has exploded. Zero can disrupt and destroy logic.